A week later, as I hit the road on my bike for the first time since the Mount Washington Bike Race I have had a lot of time to reflect on my experience. The race did not go exactly as I planned but in a twisted freaky way I wouldn't change a thing about the outcome. Here is a flash back of how the day went, when I really got into trouble, how I felt crossing the finish line and most of all, what I learned about how I attempted this race and the kind of person I am.
Race morning started great. I had a great night's sleep, which was unexpected as I was a bit nervous, like I am before any race. Not sure why as I knew worst case scenario I could walk the whole route and still reach the summit. We got up at 5AM, plenty early to get Tracy and Catherine to the base as they had to be ready to summit the mountain at 6:30, being at the top before any racers started. I was expecting to have breakfast (I even bought some stuff the night before) and a little "me"time before leaving but it didn't turn out that way. We were out of the condo by 5:30AM allowing me time to just grab my cup of grapes to munch on them in the car, a decision I would regret in about 4 hours. In the car I had lots of things going through my head, excitement, positive energy and the thought of who is REALLY CRAZY enough to do this....me and Chris, that's who. lol As we got to the base and got parked and started to unload our bikes and gear I started to get nervous. The type of nervous where I needed to pace or I was going to throw up. I think it's called nervous energy. The energy was a little stronger than I was used to but I was still ok, just the same. Tracy came in very handy here as she walked with me, talked with and was just there for me and I will be forever thankful. Catherine was chatting with Chris and making sure he was ready to go, had enough water etc. These two took such good care of us. lol Chris and I posed for some pictures before the girls left and drove to the summit. Great job Catherine as she had a big fear of heights! :) I hung out with Chris for a bit but off and on we found ourselves going our own ways. Chris wanted to socialize with some other riders but I just wanted to get in the mindset of what I was going to accomplish in the next 3-4 hours. I wondered off to a beautiful CALM lake beside the race tent so I could take some pics and clear my mind. It worked good for the most part. I got on my bike soon afterwards just to drive around a little and try to get the legs moving. I have to admit, I was intimidated by the pro's who were warming up and felt a little like I didn't deserve to be there but I WAS there and was going to conquer this beast. I called Paul to get some motivation and for the most part he delivered. He was concerned that I hadn't eaten anything except some grapes and a chocolate chip cookie (which Chris gave me) before such a big ordeal but at this point there was nothing I could do about it. My God, that freaking man is ALWAYS right as I will learn shortly. He texted me that he had just said a prayer for me (I think he included the prayer in the text) and it was the last text I got. After some very positive and encouraging words from Chris we were getting ready to line up. We joked about the type of music Chris was listening to as it was powerful yet dreadful at the same time. He had his cards read a short time before the race so there was some thoughts going through his head about that. Thankfully the readings didn't turn out. I have to admit that the reading was a concern for me too but I knew Chris was strong and would be just fine. For the record, I was right. :) The first song I played on my phone was Living on a Prayer, how ironic! :) I was standing there talking to a fellow ride when Chris yelled for me that they called my color to line up and before I knew it I was standing in a line beside some of the best bikers out there. I was ok though, I was going to do this. I remember going across the start line and giving a fist pump in the air and yelling YEAH, to what seemed like the top of my lungs. :) Lets get one thing straight right away though, I knew I wasn't going to be able to bike all of this and figured I'd be walking most of it, which I was ok with. I wanted to do it for the experience more so than the actual ride itself I think. I've hiked the mountain 4 times, been up in the van once or twice so why not attempt to bike it. Holy shit, the first set of hills were killer as they started RIGHT AWAY. No time for any warm up's, just hills instantly. lol Ok, I got this. I made it up about 3/4 of the first hill and then thought I'd be better to walk as I felt like I was hardly moving. I'd walk a bit and figured I'd get on again when I reached a flatter section. hahaha, riiiggghhhht!! A few cyclists asked if I was ok, if my bike was ok and if I needed anything. I was fine and felt very good about the challenge. A few offered some kind advice which I will follow next year for sure. After walking for a bit Chris caught up to me. We chatted for a few mins and then he was off, slowly getting further and further away from me where I could no longer see him. You go Chris...you're rock!!!!!! I did keep pretty much neck in neck with a fellow rider and I offered him as much support as I could as it looked like he was suffering very early on. At this point I was still doing fine. It was his first and probably last time doing the race. We played tag with each other for a bit, him passing then I'd pass but we still kept pretty close. At one point when I felt defeated he just looked at me like don't quit now and it gave me the power to keep going at that moment. I soldiered on thinking holy crap I'm really doing this. I feel great!! This feeling was short lived though as the climb went on. I started to feel tired I'd say at about the 3 mile mark. Nothing I couldn't handle but the tiredness was there. I was enjoying the view as I was still walking but all was good. I put on some of my Matchbox Twenty music and belted out the tunes, not like anyone was close enough to hear me. lol I had 4 -5 miles roughly left to go but felt confident I could do this. It was about the 4 or 5 mile mark that I realized a van was behind me. I thought he was just going up the mountain but then it hit me, shit....I'm last and he's the sweeper van. I was disappointed in myself, felt like a loser and started to panic. I had to do some soul talk at that point to calm myself down. Someone always has to be last, I was DOING this unlike most people in the world and I didn't care as long as I finished. Seems like the higher I got the more I started to struggle though. He pulled up beside me to see how I was doing and I said fine. How the hell do you think I'm doing, I climbing a freaking mountain here, with a bike and it's never going to end is really what I was thinking. lol He was very kind and said if I needed him he was there for me. It was then that I imagined that I had my own personal support system with a very encouraging friend driving the truck. I felt at ease cause I knew that friend wouldn't let anything happen to me, I was in good hands. The van pulled over at every support car we passed and I soon figured out why. The peeps in the cars were talking to me and he was getting their report on how I was doing. Made sense and again it meant I was in good hands. As I got closer to the top I noticed cloud cover approaching. Anyone who knows the rock pile knows this isn't good. I started to panic thinking OMG, he's going to pull me from the race now. To my horror he did pull over and got out of the truck. Before he could speak I begged him not to pull me off the course, please let me finish...please, please!! He said I just wanted to let you know I'm staying close to you as we are hitting some bad weather and I'm going to use my lights so oncoming traffic can see you. He said there was no way he'd pull me from the race and he'd follow me to the end. I felt a bit better then. The honks and waves and cheers I got from the cars coming down was amazing!!! I tried to give every one of them a thumbs up although I felt like I was fading fast. I remember hitting the 5.2 mile mark and telling the support car I was tired. They offered to take my bike and let me finish by just walking and I said no. They wished me luck. I remember asking one of the support cars where the 22% grade started as I knew it was near the end and he smiled and pointed right beside me. I was about to start the most grueling part of the race but then it would be over. I got this, I can do this, no worries...I can almost see the summit!! That's when I started to fall apart! I remember somewhere either in that grade or just after it I seen a support car. The lady came out to see how I was doing and I said I can't breathe. She asked if I wanted to stop and I said no, stopping wasn't an option. She said she was going to walk the rest of the way with me then. We walked a few steps and I had to stop, I had very bad tightness in my chest and couldn't breathe at all. I remember in my mind visioning my lungs literally pushing together and expanding so much I couldn't get in any air. Ok, some dumb shit goes through a person's mind when you are where I was mentally at that point. We got my breathing back and I continued on. A few mins later I mentioned that my hands were so cold and both my arms REALLY hurt!! Magically within seconds I had gloves and OMG...they felt AMAZING!!! I remember the paramedic (which I didn't know that what she was at the time, I thought she was just a friendly volunteer) asking if she could push my bike and I got a bit mad and said NOPE, I go over the finish line with MY bike on MY OWN and I don't want help from anyone!! Help was NOT an option!! I had to do this alone!!! I kept insisting that I wanted to enter into a different parking lot as that HAD to be where the finish line was but nope, she was right, it was still UP there.... I think I even said are you f***ing kidding me cause I don't find it funny! Then we both chuckled! I vaguely remember Tracy running down to meet me and support me the rest of the way. I don't remember actually talking to her but I know she was there. Before long I remember the paramedic yelling you made it, you made it, right there is the finish line. I remember a lot of people cheering me on, getting almost in my face to cheer, I remember hearing them talk about me on the loud speaker but I don't know what was said....I remember (I think) the paramedics backing off for me when I went across the finish line. I was SO HAPPY I did it!!!!! My bike left me, I guess Catherine took it from me right away although I don't remember. All I remember is my legs buckling and I kept saying I have to sit down as I started to fall backwards. I heard a paramedic say she's going down! In my head that made me panic but there was nothing I could do about it. They were right I was going down. I kept insisting that I just needed to sit down and they kept saying hun you are sitting. I just kept repeating I needed to sit down!! Almost getting angry that they wouldn't let me sit down. I remember the paramedic beside me saying he was going to kneel down beside me so he could catch me if I needed him too. He told me to lean on him so I think I did. They grabbed my finger and stuck something on it and I seen that my heart rate was way over 200. They asked me if I seen anyone I was there with and I pointed to Tracy, Catherine and Chris. They asked me who they were and I said my best friends. They said what are their names and I had no idea! THAT'S a scary feeling!! As I was sitting there I said I think I'm cold. Then my body started to shake uncontrollably! There was nothing we could do to stop it!! They covered me in tons of blankets, but I still couldn't stop shaking, violently almost. I don't remember if I was still cold or not at that point. I remember one of the 6 paramedics saying we have to get her into a warm space or we are going to be in trouble. It wasn't long after that they were moving me to one of the passenger vans to see if that helped. I kept saying I'm still so cold....the paramedic said we have the heat on as high as it will go and they kept throwing blankets upon blankets around me!! Someone suggested I have a drink of my Gatorade but my hands were shaking so bad they had to open the bottle for me. I did hear one of the paramedics say there was an ambulance at the base if I needed it. That was freaking scary!! Me...need an ambulance...what the hell???? They all sat there with me for a bit and I think a few of the paramedics were talking to Chris, Catherine and Tracy who GOD love them, never left my side the whole time. It was at this point that I could name them and I think that's when I was starting to come around. They stuck that thing on my finger again and my heart rate was back to either 98 or 93. Either way, better than the well over 200 it was before. I asked one of the paramedics if I actually went over the finish line and he said hell yeah...you rocked it!! Yup, ok... but it still felt nice to hear! They talked with me for a bit until they felt I was out of the woods and then started to talk about my transport down the mountain. They moved me to Catherine's car and helped me get in and tucked me in my blankets. At that point they thought I'd be ok. I remember that I was still shaking a bit and felt really tired!! God love Tracy and Catherine for keeping the car very warm for me, and Chris who rubbed my back coming down the mountain for a bit, trying to warm me up and keep me calm. It worked. May be the best back rub I've ever had. lol As we got to the base I started to feel a bit better and the severe shaking eased. I made my way into the turkey dinner and although I still felt quite stunned I think the dinner was VERY tasty! The coke was the BOMB!!!! :) The rest of the day consisted of some slow walking around town and the BIGGEST piece of pot roast I EVER had for supper!! YUM!!!!!!
So what did I learn? I learned that I MUST eat before something this intense!! This was not a 5k race that would end fast, it was hours and VERY intense!!! Grapes and a cookie didn't cut it! I learned that perhaps I should have drank more. I did drink but probably nowhere near enough. I learned what it feels like to be in hell at the end of a race. I 've seen others in that shape and thought how awful it must be and yup, it's pretty awful indeed!! But most of all, I learned that I am MUCH STRONGER than I EVER thought possible!! Anyone else, feeling like I did, would have said screw it, I'm done!! That wasn't an option for me! I was doing this even if it killed me and at the time it felt like it just might. lol Did I learn anything, I certainly did! Will I ever do it again, you bet your last dollar I will. However, next year I'M GOING TO KILL THE ROCK PILE, IT WILL NOT ALMOST KILL ME!! MOUNT WASHINGTON.....I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks to everyone on facebook who supported me! Thanks to Tracy and Catherine who came out to support both Chris and I on this crazy journey. Thanks to Paul and H who listened to me go on and on about this big race (and the tour as well). You guys believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and I will be FOREVER thankful!!! Next year I will listen to you and your advice!! :) Again, thanks to each and every one of you for the support. I will be better prepared next year and I promise to make you ALL proud of me!! You guys rock!!!!
Sunday, 24 August 2014
Friday, 13 June 2014
Finding my heart again!
Life can be crazy sometimes!! I guess that's what keeps things interesting! :)
Probably one of the biggest things I've done lately is the trip home, to North Conway, New Hampshire. Although I was not born there I'm convinced that's where my heart is, for the most part. This was my real taste of independence, my first big trip alone, and the first time I'd face the heartbreak of vacationing in a where spot myself and the Graham went every year since 1996. How would things be, would I still love it down there, would it still feel like home, would I be able to handle the emotions that would come with me being there alone? 11 hours of driving gives you a lot of time to ponder these things. With every rest stop I successfully reached I got more excited and believed in myself just a little bit more. After almost 11 hours of driving, lots of Timbits, chips, and a mixture of bottles of water and coke I was getting so close to home that I could hardly keep it together. Although I was excited to be there I was even more excited that I got there ON MY OWN!! I felt great about my accomplishment, it was HUGE!! Upon getting into my hotel room the first thing I did was go online to let my friends now I had arrived safely. I got lots of "have a good trip" wishes but a few posts stood out in my mind. Those few posts were very powerful and I thought about them constantly the whole time I was there. I can't explain why, I really can't but looking back I think I was just in the right head space to really hear that friend who was saying these things to me. Little did I know just how much of an impact those posts would have on me, even more-so today. :)
While I was there I only had a few minor breakdowns. Nothing like I was expecting. I had come to the conclusion that this place still made me happy, I still felt complete there, I felt like I was a world away from my problems, my thoughts were clear and my heart felt alive again. Even though I was there alone nothing had really changed for me. It was still home! I did however miss Graham at certain times obviously but I was able to push through those feelings. I got up early in the morning and went on the hunt for my moose, with no luck but that was ok as I got to see my first live fox that wasn't in a zoo. She was beautiful!! She seemed to stop and sit to pose for pictures for me. Perfect! I tried to go up the rock pile but it was too cloudy. I considered a second hike but knew the rocks would probably be slippery, I had some hip pain and didn't want to take a chance on falling and being there without help. I was ok though because it was a choice I could make on my own, had nobody else to consider and it felt good. I got to have breakfast at my favorite spot which was tough emotionally. However, I wanted to be there and having breakfast anywhere else was simply not an option so I had to suck it up! lol The other tough thing was having ice cream at Ben & Jerry's. Although I was excited to see my friend Vinnie I was feeling a bit of emotion as the shop was mainly Graham's thing when we'd go together. But I focused on visiting with Vinnie and eating the FANTASTICALLY AMAZING ice cream and enjoyed my visit tremendously. The rest of the visit was awesome, did a bit of driving, lots of shopping and some soul searching. Sunday morning came quickly and I was super sad to be leaving the spot I still loved but I knew that I'd be back again. I was a big girl now who could get there any time I wanted to. I'm hoping to take a trip back there again in late Sept. or early in Oct but we'll see how things go.
Coming across the border was a bit interesting as I was questioned about some liquor I was bringing back. I had no idea much about the rum as I didn't pick it out, the staff at the store did. I ended up having to pull over and the guard had to see the bottle. I tried to help him open the duffle bag where the bottle was and after the second time of his telling me he'd find it I realized just what I was doing and apologized many times. We shared a laugh because the guard new I wasn't trying to hide anything but was trying to help instead. I paniced cause I thought it made me look guilty. He said no, he was concerned about the seatbelt cutting into my neck. Again we had a chuckle and I was sent on my way. Shortly after that I took the wrong exit and ended up heading toward Quebec. I called Chris, who kind of chuckled at me as I was obviously freaking out and laughing at me was his way of calming me down. God love him, he always knows the right things to say. lol He got me turned around and back on the right track. About 2 hours later I felt comfortable about my direction being right...man, what a long 2 hours! lol However, if I wouldn't have taken that wrong turn I wouldn't have seen....you guessed it....MY MOOSE!!! I was so excited....I was screaming in the car...MOOSE...MOOSE....HOLY F**** I JUST SEEN A MOOSE!!! I only wish I could have taken pictures but it was too busy on the highway to pull over. I swore if I seen a moose it would be my "sign" that things would be ok, little did I know that's exactly what it would be. :)
Upon coming back I thought more about those comments made me to when I was in the US. They came from a person who although was someone I considered a friend, he was someone who owed me nothing and would have no need to feel obligated to say those things to me. I decided to touch base with him again to tell him the impact those comments had on me and after 2 or 3 months of being friends on facebook, who had never had the chance to meet, that we should finally get together. I'm really excited to say I haven't stopped smiling since we started talking more frequently and even more so since our first visit last Sat. Nobody really knows what the future holds (I know what I'm hoping for and I think I know where he stands too) but I do know one thing, right now I'm REALLY happy and the only thing I'm really concentrating on is the here and now. I'm happy today, at this very moment and I'll deal with tomorrow's as they come. Hopefully my tomorrow's are pretty much a repeat of today! A happy heart, and a very happy me!!
My plans for my tomorrow's are to be happy and hopefully things will settle down enough for me to start concentrating on the next phase of me becoming a personal trainer. I have some more jobshadowing to do and then I have to do the practical exam. This has been a slow process for me that gets stalled when "life happens" but as with other things, everything happens for a reason and I have to believe me doing this slowly is the way it's meant to be. I have my trip to Toronto coming up where I will be MEETIN Chris Daughtry and attending his concert (it will be my 5th attempt at seeing him), I also have an amzing bike trip coming up in Aug. I'll be biking with two friends, leaving Quebec, traveling through Vermont and into New Hampshire where Chris and I will be racing up Mount Washington. It's going to be an incredible experience/trip for me. Imagine...starring at my mountains for 8 ish hours a day! My body may be wanting to die but my mind will be amazed with what it's seeing!!! I'm sure in the next few months I'll have lots to blog about so please...stay tuned to see what comes next....
Life is good - finally!!
Probably one of the biggest things I've done lately is the trip home, to North Conway, New Hampshire. Although I was not born there I'm convinced that's where my heart is, for the most part. This was my real taste of independence, my first big trip alone, and the first time I'd face the heartbreak of vacationing in a where spot myself and the Graham went every year since 1996. How would things be, would I still love it down there, would it still feel like home, would I be able to handle the emotions that would come with me being there alone? 11 hours of driving gives you a lot of time to ponder these things. With every rest stop I successfully reached I got more excited and believed in myself just a little bit more. After almost 11 hours of driving, lots of Timbits, chips, and a mixture of bottles of water and coke I was getting so close to home that I could hardly keep it together. Although I was excited to be there I was even more excited that I got there ON MY OWN!! I felt great about my accomplishment, it was HUGE!! Upon getting into my hotel room the first thing I did was go online to let my friends now I had arrived safely. I got lots of "have a good trip" wishes but a few posts stood out in my mind. Those few posts were very powerful and I thought about them constantly the whole time I was there. I can't explain why, I really can't but looking back I think I was just in the right head space to really hear that friend who was saying these things to me. Little did I know just how much of an impact those posts would have on me, even more-so today. :)
While I was there I only had a few minor breakdowns. Nothing like I was expecting. I had come to the conclusion that this place still made me happy, I still felt complete there, I felt like I was a world away from my problems, my thoughts were clear and my heart felt alive again. Even though I was there alone nothing had really changed for me. It was still home! I did however miss Graham at certain times obviously but I was able to push through those feelings. I got up early in the morning and went on the hunt for my moose, with no luck but that was ok as I got to see my first live fox that wasn't in a zoo. She was beautiful!! She seemed to stop and sit to pose for pictures for me. Perfect! I tried to go up the rock pile but it was too cloudy. I considered a second hike but knew the rocks would probably be slippery, I had some hip pain and didn't want to take a chance on falling and being there without help. I was ok though because it was a choice I could make on my own, had nobody else to consider and it felt good. I got to have breakfast at my favorite spot which was tough emotionally. However, I wanted to be there and having breakfast anywhere else was simply not an option so I had to suck it up! lol The other tough thing was having ice cream at Ben & Jerry's. Although I was excited to see my friend Vinnie I was feeling a bit of emotion as the shop was mainly Graham's thing when we'd go together. But I focused on visiting with Vinnie and eating the FANTASTICALLY AMAZING ice cream and enjoyed my visit tremendously. The rest of the visit was awesome, did a bit of driving, lots of shopping and some soul searching. Sunday morning came quickly and I was super sad to be leaving the spot I still loved but I knew that I'd be back again. I was a big girl now who could get there any time I wanted to. I'm hoping to take a trip back there again in late Sept. or early in Oct but we'll see how things go.
Coming across the border was a bit interesting as I was questioned about some liquor I was bringing back. I had no idea much about the rum as I didn't pick it out, the staff at the store did. I ended up having to pull over and the guard had to see the bottle. I tried to help him open the duffle bag where the bottle was and after the second time of his telling me he'd find it I realized just what I was doing and apologized many times. We shared a laugh because the guard new I wasn't trying to hide anything but was trying to help instead. I paniced cause I thought it made me look guilty. He said no, he was concerned about the seatbelt cutting into my neck. Again we had a chuckle and I was sent on my way. Shortly after that I took the wrong exit and ended up heading toward Quebec. I called Chris, who kind of chuckled at me as I was obviously freaking out and laughing at me was his way of calming me down. God love him, he always knows the right things to say. lol He got me turned around and back on the right track. About 2 hours later I felt comfortable about my direction being right...man, what a long 2 hours! lol However, if I wouldn't have taken that wrong turn I wouldn't have seen....you guessed it....MY MOOSE!!! I was so excited....I was screaming in the car...MOOSE...MOOSE....HOLY F**** I JUST SEEN A MOOSE!!! I only wish I could have taken pictures but it was too busy on the highway to pull over. I swore if I seen a moose it would be my "sign" that things would be ok, little did I know that's exactly what it would be. :)
Upon coming back I thought more about those comments made me to when I was in the US. They came from a person who although was someone I considered a friend, he was someone who owed me nothing and would have no need to feel obligated to say those things to me. I decided to touch base with him again to tell him the impact those comments had on me and after 2 or 3 months of being friends on facebook, who had never had the chance to meet, that we should finally get together. I'm really excited to say I haven't stopped smiling since we started talking more frequently and even more so since our first visit last Sat. Nobody really knows what the future holds (I know what I'm hoping for and I think I know where he stands too) but I do know one thing, right now I'm REALLY happy and the only thing I'm really concentrating on is the here and now. I'm happy today, at this very moment and I'll deal with tomorrow's as they come. Hopefully my tomorrow's are pretty much a repeat of today! A happy heart, and a very happy me!!
My plans for my tomorrow's are to be happy and hopefully things will settle down enough for me to start concentrating on the next phase of me becoming a personal trainer. I have some more jobshadowing to do and then I have to do the practical exam. This has been a slow process for me that gets stalled when "life happens" but as with other things, everything happens for a reason and I have to believe me doing this slowly is the way it's meant to be. I have my trip to Toronto coming up where I will be MEETIN Chris Daughtry and attending his concert (it will be my 5th attempt at seeing him), I also have an amzing bike trip coming up in Aug. I'll be biking with two friends, leaving Quebec, traveling through Vermont and into New Hampshire where Chris and I will be racing up Mount Washington. It's going to be an incredible experience/trip for me. Imagine...starring at my mountains for 8 ish hours a day! My body may be wanting to die but my mind will be amazed with what it's seeing!!! I'm sure in the next few months I'll have lots to blog about so please...stay tuned to see what comes next....
Life is good - finally!!
Sunday, 23 February 2014
A mix mash plus 24
I haven't blogged in a while so I thought maybe it was time to do an update.
It's been bit of a tough month. I have a lot of things coming up within the first 6-8 months of this year and thinking about it all kinda got the best of me. Some of these things are coming my way regardless if I like it or not and some are decisions only I can make. I realize that I have to make them myself and I have to do whatever is best for me, nobody else has to live with my choices but me. Sometimes this appears easier said then done. I've been told that while on our bike Tour I'll be able to put a lot of this stuff behind me and I will arrive back in Quebec a much stronger person than I left, something I am very much looking forward to!
Speaking of the bike Tour, holy excited and excitedly nervous at the same time. This will be by far the hardest thing I've ever done, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have been getting the best of tips, suggestions and support but again when it comes down to it all the tips are great but it's something I have to make it through, Chris and Sandra can't pedal the bike for me. Me being me, I don't want to hold them back, I don't want them to have any issues with me, I almost don't want them to even notice I'm there with them. I've heard some horror stories about past riders and I don't want to repeat the same. They have both reassured me that I will be ready for the Tour, and is offering all and any support they possibly can. It comes down to my training before the Tour and my mental power during the Tour. I expect to have a few meltdowns when I actually see my mountains as they are a very powerful symbol for me. The hill climbs are going to be like nothing I've ever experienced before and I'm sure I'll do lots of cursing but I will be ready for them, I hope! I can and will cry on this Tour, damn it. lol Still really hoping to see my first moose too.
Chris and I were able to register for the Mount Washington race in Aug. OMG, nobody in their right mind should be doing this, so it's fitting that we, well....I'm doing it. I think Chris is usually in his right frame of mind, um...24 times up and down JL, ok... I said usually. lol Chris has a goal of getting to the top within a certain period of time (top 100 I believe). Myself, I'm looking at it as I've hiked the rock pile many times, I've driven most of the way up once so the next logical way to the top is by bike. The ride itself is going to be just crazy but I get chills thinking of how it will be for me to have 3 people standing at the finish line cheering me on as I roll in. I've never had anyone to cheer me on before, well nobody I knew anyway, lots of strangers. Not sure why this is going to be such a big deal for me but it will be. I'm sure there will be some tears when I make it to the top and I'm not even ruling out some puking, although I hope that doesn't happen. If you are able to sponsor me for this ride I'd truly appreciate it. If you sponsor me on their site (I can supply the link) I will get refunded whatever amount I raise. My goal is $350 as that was the cost to do the race, I am also considering putting up a link so people can sponsor me and the money goes to charity as well. I will have to find out the details about that. Either way, exciting stuff for sure!!
I will be writing my exams for Resistance Training Specialist certification next month. For some reason this process has been a long and drawn out one for me. Again, it's a mental thing. I have decided I deserve to get this. It's my passion and I work hard for everything else that is important to me so this should be no different. I think a part of me is afraid of failing. If I fail then I have to realize I may never have my dream job. However, I really want this so failing is not an option. Then I can "torture" people and get paid to do it. lol
Yesterday Chris and I made it up and down Jacob's Ladder 24 times. That's 8448 stairs in case anyone wants to know. We had to get through quite a bit of slush and water to get to the stairs and spent the first trip going down clearing the slush from the stairs but after that it was pretty much clear sailing. We had to be careful but they were very much doable. I was on a personal mission to do 24 climbs, only because Chris swore he was only doing 23 times, no more, no matter what I said. I was convinced I was going to crack this tough nut today if it were the last thing I did. That was more of a mission for me than the stairs climb itself I think. lol I gave him two options (see...I'm not totally mean), I said either we climb 24 times or we do 23 times and a walk back to the waterfalls. His reply, hell...why don't we run a freaking marathon too? I told him to be careful what he suggested. lol I'm happy to say it was a small victory for me as he agreed to do the 24th climb but not after keeping me guessing the whole time. I think Chris has figured out that it's more fun to wind me up and watch me go for a bit then to give in to me right away. lol That's ok, it makes things more fun sometimes. :) We had lots of fun, great conversation, and some more challenges have been made. He agreed to do a 160km bike ride with me at some point this summer and to do a bike race with me up some hills as I said one of my goals was at least to be able to keep up with him on 1 hill this bike season. Some day when we feel like just going out to have some fun is probably when the race will happen. He assured me that he would not just let me win, I'd have to work hard to beat him and that if I win I truly won under my own steam. I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want anyone to "let" me win. Our mutual friend Sandra came out to join us on this climb. I think she did 5 trips up and down and called it a day. She knows her limits and sticks to them. Smart woman! Perhaps next month she'll do it again and climb an extra one or two times. Our other Team Purple member, Tracy wasn't able to climb with us this month due to injury. However, she and her mom did come out to join us for a few minutes at the ladder and stuck around Truro until we were done so they could have lunch with us. It felt odd not having her there for the climbing but I'd rather see her recoup then to injure herself enough that it takes her out for a while. The stairs will always be there.
I'm glad to say today I'm not overly sore. I can feel that I did something but I think all in all my legs will be ok. I have some soreness in my calves which will probably spread to my quads as it usually does but I'm hoping to be back in normal shape either tomorrow or Tues. Chris touched base with me already and he seems to be in the same shape as myself. What a difference from when we first did it and couldn't move for a week afterwards. We've both come a LONG way. I can't imagine the great shape we'll be in by the time Aug. comes around. Awesome for sure!!
It's been bit of a tough month. I have a lot of things coming up within the first 6-8 months of this year and thinking about it all kinda got the best of me. Some of these things are coming my way regardless if I like it or not and some are decisions only I can make. I realize that I have to make them myself and I have to do whatever is best for me, nobody else has to live with my choices but me. Sometimes this appears easier said then done. I've been told that while on our bike Tour I'll be able to put a lot of this stuff behind me and I will arrive back in Quebec a much stronger person than I left, something I am very much looking forward to!
Speaking of the bike Tour, holy excited and excitedly nervous at the same time. This will be by far the hardest thing I've ever done, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have been getting the best of tips, suggestions and support but again when it comes down to it all the tips are great but it's something I have to make it through, Chris and Sandra can't pedal the bike for me. Me being me, I don't want to hold them back, I don't want them to have any issues with me, I almost don't want them to even notice I'm there with them. I've heard some horror stories about past riders and I don't want to repeat the same. They have both reassured me that I will be ready for the Tour, and is offering all and any support they possibly can. It comes down to my training before the Tour and my mental power during the Tour. I expect to have a few meltdowns when I actually see my mountains as they are a very powerful symbol for me. The hill climbs are going to be like nothing I've ever experienced before and I'm sure I'll do lots of cursing but I will be ready for them, I hope! I can and will cry on this Tour, damn it. lol Still really hoping to see my first moose too.
Chris and I were able to register for the Mount Washington race in Aug. OMG, nobody in their right mind should be doing this, so it's fitting that we, well....I'm doing it. I think Chris is usually in his right frame of mind, um...24 times up and down JL, ok... I said usually. lol Chris has a goal of getting to the top within a certain period of time (top 100 I believe). Myself, I'm looking at it as I've hiked the rock pile many times, I've driven most of the way up once so the next logical way to the top is by bike. The ride itself is going to be just crazy but I get chills thinking of how it will be for me to have 3 people standing at the finish line cheering me on as I roll in. I've never had anyone to cheer me on before, well nobody I knew anyway, lots of strangers. Not sure why this is going to be such a big deal for me but it will be. I'm sure there will be some tears when I make it to the top and I'm not even ruling out some puking, although I hope that doesn't happen. If you are able to sponsor me for this ride I'd truly appreciate it. If you sponsor me on their site (I can supply the link) I will get refunded whatever amount I raise. My goal is $350 as that was the cost to do the race, I am also considering putting up a link so people can sponsor me and the money goes to charity as well. I will have to find out the details about that. Either way, exciting stuff for sure!!
I will be writing my exams for Resistance Training Specialist certification next month. For some reason this process has been a long and drawn out one for me. Again, it's a mental thing. I have decided I deserve to get this. It's my passion and I work hard for everything else that is important to me so this should be no different. I think a part of me is afraid of failing. If I fail then I have to realize I may never have my dream job. However, I really want this so failing is not an option. Then I can "torture" people and get paid to do it. lol
Yesterday Chris and I made it up and down Jacob's Ladder 24 times. That's 8448 stairs in case anyone wants to know. We had to get through quite a bit of slush and water to get to the stairs and spent the first trip going down clearing the slush from the stairs but after that it was pretty much clear sailing. We had to be careful but they were very much doable. I was on a personal mission to do 24 climbs, only because Chris swore he was only doing 23 times, no more, no matter what I said. I was convinced I was going to crack this tough nut today if it were the last thing I did. That was more of a mission for me than the stairs climb itself I think. lol I gave him two options (see...I'm not totally mean), I said either we climb 24 times or we do 23 times and a walk back to the waterfalls. His reply, hell...why don't we run a freaking marathon too? I told him to be careful what he suggested. lol I'm happy to say it was a small victory for me as he agreed to do the 24th climb but not after keeping me guessing the whole time. I think Chris has figured out that it's more fun to wind me up and watch me go for a bit then to give in to me right away. lol That's ok, it makes things more fun sometimes. :) We had lots of fun, great conversation, and some more challenges have been made. He agreed to do a 160km bike ride with me at some point this summer and to do a bike race with me up some hills as I said one of my goals was at least to be able to keep up with him on 1 hill this bike season. Some day when we feel like just going out to have some fun is probably when the race will happen. He assured me that he would not just let me win, I'd have to work hard to beat him and that if I win I truly won under my own steam. I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want anyone to "let" me win. Our mutual friend Sandra came out to join us on this climb. I think she did 5 trips up and down and called it a day. She knows her limits and sticks to them. Smart woman! Perhaps next month she'll do it again and climb an extra one or two times. Our other Team Purple member, Tracy wasn't able to climb with us this month due to injury. However, she and her mom did come out to join us for a few minutes at the ladder and stuck around Truro until we were done so they could have lunch with us. It felt odd not having her there for the climbing but I'd rather see her recoup then to injure herself enough that it takes her out for a while. The stairs will always be there.
I'm glad to say today I'm not overly sore. I can feel that I did something but I think all in all my legs will be ok. I have some soreness in my calves which will probably spread to my quads as it usually does but I'm hoping to be back in normal shape either tomorrow or Tues. Chris touched base with me already and he seems to be in the same shape as myself. What a difference from when we first did it and couldn't move for a week afterwards. We've both come a LONG way. I can't imagine the great shape we'll be in by the time Aug. comes around. Awesome for sure!!
Tuesday, 7 January 2014
What compels me to be CRAZY/FEARLESS ?
What compels a person, ok what compels me to be crazy? First of all are the things I have done, am doing , and want to do in the future really all that crazy? I guess most people would rather drive up Mount Washington in a car and not spend 4-8 hours hiking up and down and God forbid race up it on a bike. Most look at Jacob's Ladder and think - wow, that's a lot of steps, why would anyone in their right mind ever climb them once much-less 20+times. Why would anyone ever go in near freezing water in well below freezing air temps, why would someone want to ride 100km's on a bike for about 10 days (I may be a bit off on the distance but when riding that much for that long I'll earn the right to be off a few km's) and who in their right mind dreams of one day jumping out of a plane, jumping off a building in Auckland, New Zealand, and plans to rock climb the face of Ha-Ling (a mountain in Canmore) in the summer of 2015? I do-that's who!! A lot of these goals are done because I enjoy seeing how far I can push my body. Do I do it planning for injury, no, but do I know injury is possible, absolutely - to think otherwise would be truly crazy. Do I know that any of these things could seriously injure me or God forbid something worse, of course I do. I go into all the events respecting what I'm asking my body to do and hoping today isn't the day my luck runs out. Have to admit I was a bit scared to do my own Polar Bear Dip last week as I had no medical team close by (just a few friends trained in CPR) and even went as far as asking a friend to say a few nice things about me should it come to that. I was half joking but half serious too. I really didn't know how my body would handle the frigid temps. Guess what...I survived. They lose a hiker every year (I think) on my favorite part of Mount Washington, if I fall into Tukerman Revine it's all over for me. You get the picture.
As for me perosnally, I think it has to do with not being able to have the freedom to do these things for 35 years. Face it, at 243 pounds I didn't even dream of doing these things. I dreamt about my next bag of chips, chocolate bar, and when my next favorite tv show was coming on. Not all overweight (or morbidly obsese as in my case) people are like this, but I was. I had no dreams, no goals, no passion about achieving something great in life. I was living day to day but I wasn't really living life. That changed when I started losing weight. I started to see that my mind and body WILL let me do this stuff. I say mind because there are still times when my mind says you can't do that you crazy arsed b****h, but I go ahead and do it anyway, with even more determination. There are days when I don't really do much of anything and I feel bad, like I missed out on something, but days when I'm active or doing something crazy I can never say I had ANY regret. However, there are days when my body and I hate each other, the week after our first trip up Jacob's Ladder (20 times) comes to mind as I really suffered afterwards but in the end it made me stronger. I only needed 3 days of recovery last month compared to 6 days the month before. I feed on the fact that that experience made me stronger and I can see and feel the difference. I remember when my friend did my first 100km bike ride with me, he joked that we were probably the only people in the province doing 100km that day (it was COLD and WINDY), making the trip even more special. I could say I was probably the only person doing this, and while everyone else with sititng on the couch doing nothing, look at what I was accomplishing, yet another goal!! That is an AMAZING feeling!!! A feeling that nobody can ever take away from me!! Plus, it was great to know not only was I doing it but I was doing it in less than ideal conditions too. It was the first day we seen snow flakes this year. :)
If there is one thing I want poeple to realize it's that we can ALL do more than we are currently doing (myself included). Trust me when I say getting out there, being active, exploring the world in what seems like crazy ways to others is such an amazing feeling for me. For so long my mind and body held me back and I'm lucky to say at this point that is no longer the case. I finally feel like I have been really living life over the last 4 years (almost). Maybe the last few months have been a bit more extreme but it's because my world is opening up to new opportunities, and new experiences that leave me wanting more. I'm always left wondering "if I can do this what else can I do that's even more amazing?" I personally think that feeling is what keeps me going. If I stopped wondering I'd probably resort back to my old ways, not a lifestyle I ever hope to find again. I look forward to all these outings, as crazy as they may seem. I am at my happiest when I'm knee deep in freezing water, on trip 16 going up Jacob's Ladder, seeing a sunrise on Mount Washington at 5 AM or climbing that dreaded hill on a bike. These are things I would never want to miss out on, crazy or not.
Something that has amazed me over the last few months is that I seem to have a group of friends (Go Team Purple) who goes along with me and these ideas. When I ask why they do it they say because it's fun, they never would have thought of doing it on their own, they are thankful I'm crazy enough to do it with them, and that they are just "along for the ride". I can't think of a better group to share this crazy ride with. :)
So, if you consider what I'm doing to be crazy you're probably right. If you consider me to be "fearless" you are probably right as there is NO challenge I would ever back down from. Even though I refer to myself as these things quite often please know what I really am is HAPPY. I won't be laying on my hospital bed when I'm 133 years old (yup, I plan to live a LONG time...lol) saying I wish I did...I'll be saying I remember when I did....and that's how it should be for everyone!! If I die doing one of these crazy and fearless things then I've died a happy chick!!
I have these words taped to my monitor at work and I carry a copy of them in my wallet and there is not a day that goes by that I don't look at them and remember all the fearless things I've done, even when others thought I shouldn't have, and think of everything yet to come. The song is Fearless by Pink Floyd in case anyone wants to listen to it on youtube.
"Fearless"
As for me perosnally, I think it has to do with not being able to have the freedom to do these things for 35 years. Face it, at 243 pounds I didn't even dream of doing these things. I dreamt about my next bag of chips, chocolate bar, and when my next favorite tv show was coming on. Not all overweight (or morbidly obsese as in my case) people are like this, but I was. I had no dreams, no goals, no passion about achieving something great in life. I was living day to day but I wasn't really living life. That changed when I started losing weight. I started to see that my mind and body WILL let me do this stuff. I say mind because there are still times when my mind says you can't do that you crazy arsed b****h, but I go ahead and do it anyway, with even more determination. There are days when I don't really do much of anything and I feel bad, like I missed out on something, but days when I'm active or doing something crazy I can never say I had ANY regret. However, there are days when my body and I hate each other, the week after our first trip up Jacob's Ladder (20 times) comes to mind as I really suffered afterwards but in the end it made me stronger. I only needed 3 days of recovery last month compared to 6 days the month before. I feed on the fact that that experience made me stronger and I can see and feel the difference. I remember when my friend did my first 100km bike ride with me, he joked that we were probably the only people in the province doing 100km that day (it was COLD and WINDY), making the trip even more special. I could say I was probably the only person doing this, and while everyone else with sititng on the couch doing nothing, look at what I was accomplishing, yet another goal!! That is an AMAZING feeling!!! A feeling that nobody can ever take away from me!! Plus, it was great to know not only was I doing it but I was doing it in less than ideal conditions too. It was the first day we seen snow flakes this year. :)
If there is one thing I want poeple to realize it's that we can ALL do more than we are currently doing (myself included). Trust me when I say getting out there, being active, exploring the world in what seems like crazy ways to others is such an amazing feeling for me. For so long my mind and body held me back and I'm lucky to say at this point that is no longer the case. I finally feel like I have been really living life over the last 4 years (almost). Maybe the last few months have been a bit more extreme but it's because my world is opening up to new opportunities, and new experiences that leave me wanting more. I'm always left wondering "if I can do this what else can I do that's even more amazing?" I personally think that feeling is what keeps me going. If I stopped wondering I'd probably resort back to my old ways, not a lifestyle I ever hope to find again. I look forward to all these outings, as crazy as they may seem. I am at my happiest when I'm knee deep in freezing water, on trip 16 going up Jacob's Ladder, seeing a sunrise on Mount Washington at 5 AM or climbing that dreaded hill on a bike. These are things I would never want to miss out on, crazy or not.
Something that has amazed me over the last few months is that I seem to have a group of friends (Go Team Purple) who goes along with me and these ideas. When I ask why they do it they say because it's fun, they never would have thought of doing it on their own, they are thankful I'm crazy enough to do it with them, and that they are just "along for the ride". I can't think of a better group to share this crazy ride with. :)
So, if you consider what I'm doing to be crazy you're probably right. If you consider me to be "fearless" you are probably right as there is NO challenge I would ever back down from. Even though I refer to myself as these things quite often please know what I really am is HAPPY. I won't be laying on my hospital bed when I'm 133 years old (yup, I plan to live a LONG time...lol) saying I wish I did...I'll be saying I remember when I did....and that's how it should be for everyone!! If I die doing one of these crazy and fearless things then I've died a happy chick!!
I have these words taped to my monitor at work and I carry a copy of them in my wallet and there is not a day that goes by that I don't look at them and remember all the fearless things I've done, even when others thought I shouldn't have, and think of everything yet to come. The song is Fearless by Pink Floyd in case anyone wants to listen to it on youtube.
"Fearless"
You say the hill's too steep to climb,
Chiding!
You say you'd like to see me try,
Climbing!
You pick the place and I'll choose the time
And I'll climb
The hill in my own way
just wait a while, for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down hear the sound of the things you said today
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling
Merciless, the magistrate turns 'round, frowning
and who's the fool who wears the crown
Go down in your own way
And everyday is the right day
And as you rise above the fearlines in his frown
You look down
Hear the sound of the faces in the crowd
Chiding!
You say you'd like to see me try,
Climbing!
You pick the place and I'll choose the time
And I'll climb
The hill in my own way
just wait a while, for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down hear the sound of the things you said today
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling
Merciless, the magistrate turns 'round, frowning
and who's the fool who wears the crown
Go down in your own way
And everyday is the right day
And as you rise above the fearlines in his frown
You look down
Hear the sound of the faces in the crowd
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